Golfington Quarterly Issue 6

Welcome to Golfington “Why do you even call this Quarterly?” Issue 6! All of us here at Golfington HQ hope that you have had a good off-season and stayed safe and healthy during lockdown(s).

We are very excited to announce that the Autumn Championship 2021 at Highgate Wood will be held on Saturday the 18th of September. Everyone is welcome to play, so if you would like to do so, please let me know! Golfington HQ has a lot of racquets and shuttlecocks for use at events, so no need to bring your own but of course you are welcome to.

In this issue we take a look back at the inaugural Autumn Championship of 2020 held at Highgate Wood, which was a lovely respite from lockdown. We also bring you an instructional video from the archives, and an update on the Golfington app from our research department.

Highgate Wood Autumn Championship

When lockdown eased last year, a few intrepid players ventured out to Highgate Wood to see how the course was holding up after a few years. Keeping guidelines in mind, a maximum of six players kept appropriately distanced on a couple of practice afternoons, with the championship game scheduled a month later. Here is a quick overview, and a longer report is on the Autumn Championship 2020 page.

On one of the hottest days of the year, Lars very kindly brought along well-chilled ingredients for mixing Margate Mules, his favourite Golfington drink. All players appreciated the deliciously chilled cocktails to kick off the day’s play. Golfington Racquets are very useful for measuring social distancing in these circumstances.

Peak Golfington badge-wearing was achieved during the final practice game… although one idiot held his racquet the wrong way for the picture.

The course had held up well in the intervening three years, with all holes still playable in their original form.

The championship game had a bit of a tricky start due to a passing canine named Milo making off with one unlucky player’s shuttlecock and chewing it to beyond repair. It has been many years since canine involvement has affected a game in elite golfington and the members of the rules committee were sent scurrying off to consult the small print, particularly in subsection II paragraph C, entitled “Where the interfering canine’s owner thinks it’s all very amusing and gleefully announces ‘you’ll have a hard time getting that back from him’”. Thankfully there were plenty of spare shuttlecocks available.

Lars won the championship Golden Leaf for 2020, having showed consistently superior play through practice rounds, carrying through to the competition itself. Here he is, proudly displaying both the Golden Leaf award and also excellent lockdown hair.

A modernising outcome of re-playing the course was the decision to reverse the direction of play for the notorious “Corridor of Uncertainty” second hole, making the tee easier to find and reducing the overall amount of between-tee walking for the course.

How to Play

From the Golfington archives, we have unearthed an instructional film that was filmed some years ago but never released due to issues both contractual and, er, time-management-related.

App Update

Thanks to those who downloaded the golfington app for testing. We managed to use it to some effect during the Highgate Wood Autumn Championship 2020. A new version will be released soon, which includes new map styles, a South London Ruskin Park course that is overdue a competitive game, and the full rules of the game right in the palm of your hand.

Bye for now!

Hope to see many of you at Highgate Wood on the 18th!

Golfington Quarterly Issue 5

Welcome to the fifth issue of Golfington not-very-Quarterly-at-all.

Firstly, let me apologise profusely for the lateness of this issue. The writers retreated into self-isolation and I had trouble getting any articles out of them. I eventually tracked them down at the members’ bar at Real Miralles, which they claimed was purely for social distancing reasons, but that did not adequately explain the fact that they were knee-deep in empty Cava bottles with a bar bill to match.

I hope you have been keeping well and healthy during lockdown and have been taking the opportunity to practice your favourite indoor shots – the Gaf Lean, the Kingsley Knee-killer, and the rebounding-off-the-door-frame-to-somewhere-behind-you shot. Now that we have some summer weather to enjoy and the possibility of being able to resume competitive Golfington seems tantalisingly close, let’s see what we have to look forward to.

In this issue we bring you an update on Converse x Golfington, our ground-breaking collaboration with the iconic footwear brand, and a preview of the long-awaited Golfington app for your phone, to enhance your game through technology! To conclude, we present a selection of the favourite on-course drinks of some of the personalities of the game.

Cheers!

Converse x Golfington

Footwear is an oft-overlooked component of the well-dressed player’s ensemble, and to that end we have partnered with Converse to give players a comfortable, competitive, and above all stylish option to fill this gap. Available in customised colours, match them to your outfit as you wish to delight and impress spectators and players alike.

The Golfington Mobile App

The Golfington Research and Development department has been hard at work on a new app to enhance your game. Complete with details of all the iconic courses, it displays the maps and vital details of courses and all their holes, acting as your personal guide around the course to enhance your enjoyment of the game and hopefully your performance too.

Pictured above we have screenshots of the course list, and a sample overview of Highgate Wood and its nine holes.

An example of a hole view, with explanations of the tee and hole positions, and also the course overview of all holes and available amenities.

The app is undergoing its final states of testing before general release, so look out for a press release announcing its availability! We are still coming up with a short list of bands to perform at the launch party; the hype has been through the roof and everyone is clamouring to be involved.

The Golfington Drinks List

Preparation for a prestigious tournament is serious business and there many important factors to take into consideration to ensure top performance during the event. Foremost in the serious player’s mind will be selecting an eye-catching outfit, determining what unique symbol to draw on their cock on the morning of the game, and of course choosing their favourite drink to enjoy on the course. We have interviewed a selection of the game’s best-known personalities to bring you their wisdom on selecting the finest Golfington drinks.

The only double winner of the Superstars Open to date, the legendary Lars, reaches for a Maidstone Mule. For those readers unaware of this fine drink, it is a refreshing mix of gin, ginger beer and fresh lime. He explains its appeal on the course:

The clinking of the ice as one saunters from one shot to the next, the concentration-focussing hit of gin, the exhilarating zing of fizzy ginger, the mind-sharpening sourness of lime… hard to beat!

Top consultant course designer Jan prefers Spanish cider, or sidra, from Asturias.

Sticking with the Spanish theme are renowned Golfington historian Tim, and the editor of this publication Stephen, who can’t resist the bone-dry appeal of Fino Sherry to keep their games focussed and precise. The bar at Golfington HQ is kept well stocked with Tio Pepe en Rama, which is a particular favourite.

Browsing the Tio Pepe en Rama selection at the Golfington HQ bar

You may be forgiven for thinking that Bethany’s favourite drink is Champagne, given how often she wins the “best dressed player” award and is presented with a bottle of it. She does find something that edges this though, which is “Ethel’s Turn”, named after Ethel Mae Potter: “Basically it’s a dirty blonde, but with a little class.”

“Ethel’s Turn”
1/2 oz. elderflower liqueur
1 oz. dry gin
2 oz. Lillet Blanc
2 oz fresh grapefruit juice
A few dashes lemon bitters
Garnish with a Lily flower.
Pour it all over ice in a cocktail shaker, give a shake, serve in a martini glass.

It sounds fantastic and we can’t wait to try it!

With that, we must leave you for another quarter (or other very loosely defined unit of time) and wish you good health and good thwacking until we meet again.

Golfington Quarterly Issue 4

Welcome

Welcome everyone to the fourth issue of Golfington (not quite) Quarterly. Regular readers of golfington.com will notice that the web site elves have been busy behind the scenes putting together a new, more modern-looking layout!

We bring you long-awaited news of North London Golfington Club’s new course in Highgate Wood, along with the history of golfington in the area and all the course details you could shake a racquet at.  We round up with an essential selection of golfington bags to match your outfit and your occassion.

NLGC at Highgate Wood

The North London Golfington Club is very happy to announce the upcoming NLGC Challenge Cup on the 9th of September.  This will be held at their newly recreated course in Highgate Wood.

Course designers have been poring over historical maps and other ancient documents to recreate a course in keeping with the way that golfington would have been played in the wood centuries ago.

The course takes players through areas that are interesting for both their natural beauty and their deep history.

Any players who are interested in entering, regardless of ability, please get in touch with the NLGC fixture secretary as soon as possible!  For more information and history on the course, check the early release of the course page for Highgate Wood. Bear in mind that the course might change once our senior course consultant has had a careful look at it and the page will be updated to reflect that.

The Kit Room

In our first issue we reviewed the Carlton golfington bag and while this modern, spacious bag has many benefits it does suffer from one drawback: it probably won’t complement your carefully styled, vintage outfit.  Here is a selection for those who like to keep their luggage on trend and matching.

These vintage racquet bags would match many a retro-styled outfit, especially anything featuring tartan!

Any outfit featuring more than a small amount of 1970s brown would welcome this bag as an accessory.

This Fred Perry bag combines modern convenience and spaciousness with vintage stylings, making it (and you) a winner all round!

Dream Venue Revisited

Back in Golfington Quarterly Issue 2  we featured a photograph of the staircases in The George Inn in Baldock.  We can now confirm that golfington has finally been played there:

It isn’t big enough for more than two holes, but an interesting and slightly quirky venue nonetheless!  Just don’t bother with the sausage for breakfast; it is barely edible.

Signing off

That’s it for now from Golfington HQ.  Don’t forget to get in touch if you wish to play in the NLGC Challenge on the 9th of September!

Golfington Quarterly Issue 3

Season’s Greetings from everyone here at Golfington Towers.  We hope that Santa brought you all the golfington gear that you wished for, and that you were good enough to deserve it!  In this edition, we bring you updates from the 2016 Superstars Open and indispensable reviews of the latest golfington equipment.

Superstars Open 2016

The big talk in the second half of the year has obviously been about the Superstars Open.  The tournament was held at the Course de l’Ours in Ariège, south-western France.

A course walkthrough is now available, narrated by none other than the voice of golfington himself:

There is a round-up of the tournament on the Superstars Open 2016 page, as well as a video of the action available here:

Lars played a brilliant final round which included an eagle on the par 6 second hole, to finish on a winning score of 35.  This made him the first player in the history of the Superstars Open to win two tournaments.  Murdo had been the early leader on 37 but had to settle for second place, his highest finish yet.  Kings finished on 38, bringing up his second consecutive Superstars Open third place.

The best-dressed award deservedly went to Joslyn for her fabulous florals.

Drinks!

Over the festive season we have been putting in a bit of drinks-related research, as we expect have many of you readers. To most players, the thought of golfington-appropriate drinks conjure up images of a cold beer or well-chilled glass of Cava to enjoy in the sun between shots.  For those who like to put in a bit of practice in the chilly off season though, a hot mulled wine or Irish coffee can be a welcome companion as you crunch through frosty grass on a winter’s day.

In summer, cold drinks get warm in the sun.  In winter, warm drinks get cold in the snow.  And all year round, all drinks run the risks of being knocked over, lost when left in a “safe” place or, most unfortunately of all, being accidentally drunk by a fellow player.

The “wine sippy cup” is an excellent solution to many of these problems.  It will hold any wine, sparkling wine or even mulled wine and will protect the precious contents from being spilled if it is knocked over.  Its double layer provides insulation to keep your chilled drink cool in the sun.  In addition, the range of colours available means that you won’t mistake someone else’s drink for yours on the course.  We can’t help you if you leave it somewhere “safe” and forget though; let’s hope for an upgrade that includes a GPS locator.

As great as the wine sippy cup is, it just isn’t very appropriate when you fancy beer rather than wine.  For that, we bring you the “beer sippy can”!  Again, this will protect your drink from spilling when knocked over and is available in a range of colours for easy identification.  It does insulate too, which will keep the contents chilled for longer on a hot day should you for some reason take a long time to drink your beer.

Don’t forget to take some mulled wine with you if you venture out onto the course during the cold winter months.  Top golfington fan and part-time TV chef Jamie Oliver has a recipe available here: Jamie’s Mulled Wine.  He has somehow forgotten the final step in that recipe: add a generous measure of brandy… to make up for any alcohol that evaporated during the heating process of course.

Cyder Cup

Team USA won the 2016 instalment of this biennial contest by a substantial margin.  Golfington Quarterly caught up with USA team captain Penelope Featherington: “It is good to be winning again!  I understand that team Europe have had some internal problems and that may have affected their game.  Sucks to be them.”

Team Europe captain Jacques LeCoq was unavailable for comment.  Rumours are that he has barricaded himself inside the wine cellar of his family’s Bordeaux chateau and refuses to leave, communicating with the outside world only by passing notes scrawled onto labels from empty wine bottles under the cellar door.

Kit Corner

Are you the type of player who gives 110% on every shot?  Are you the type of player who reaches so far forward to gain that extra inch that you are permanently in risk of falling over and injuring your knees?  Are you the type of player who maybe lives in Spain?  Then you need some knee pads!  Here is a selection from top equipment providers:

In the top left, we have heavy-duty knee-pads with extra protection which are recommended those who tend to fall over often.  These may not go well with your carefully chosen outfit though, so the next couple may be better suited, with red or blue highlights.  As for the final pair, these “training” pads are inexplicably also available in adult sizes.

Badges

If you want to show everyone your love for golfington then what better way to do it than with an iron-on golfington patch?  These are now available, so let us know if you would like one!

That is it for this edition, so signing off from Golfington Towers until next “quarter”.  May your shots be true!

Golfington Quarterly Issue 2

Few will be unaware of the rifts that have almost torn apart the Union of European Golfington Associations (UEGA, or EU for short) in recent months and the aftershocks are still being felt. Insidious agents within Golfington Britain (GB) have been demanding a withdrawal from EU because they would rather play by their own rules and don’t like so many foreign players in their leagues. This is bad for the game as a whole and for GB in particular, especially as the those leading the exit campaign have largely disappeared without any clear plan for how to draft their own version of the rules and face a potential loss of many extremely valuable foreign players from their leagues.

Superstars Open 2016

With this in mind, it is heart-warming news that the upcoming Superstars Open is being hailed as the “Unification Games” to bring split factions back together. The tournament will be held at the magnificent Course de l’Ours in the foothills of the Pyrenees:

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The course is both the most picturesque and historically interesting in France, so there is much to look forward to! Almost all the top players will be playing this year, with the notable exceptions of two of last year’s competitors Mandy Americana and Jan Sverigesson.

Cyder Cup 2016

As if that were not enough, shortly afterwards we will be treated to the Cyder Cup, the long-running competition between the players (and drinkers) of the USA and Europe.

cyder-cup

Given the recent upheavals in the European game, the Europe camp will be hard pushed to put out a unified team against the well-drilled competitors from the USA. For their sake, let’s hope that the Superstars Open serves to re-build some bridges and encourage mutual support. The captains of the Cyder cup teams this year are Jacques LeCoq for Europe and Penelope Featherington for the USA. Let’s hope that they can assemble their best teams and calculate the most precise tactics that they can muster.

Here are some pictures of some of the Cyder Cup players on a recreational team-building golf day in the run up to the main event, which was very well attended:

cyder-cup-collage

The Kit Room

Have you ever found yourself planning a golfington hole in an ideal location – a grand staircase, a picturesque forest or a twisty corridor perhaps – but not found a natural “hole” in which to end it? You need a portable hole. The ideal portable hole will fold up conveniently so that it can be carried around with your rackets and cocks in your golfington bag and then be brought into use when required. Different styles are available, so they can fit in with your course design.

This simple pop-up net folds up small and can provide a very useful “hole” wherever required. It stands at an angle, which makes it an easy target from multiple angles:

portable-pop-up-golf-chipping-pitching-practice

Some course designers prefer more traditional, “flat” holes rather than the angle that the net presents. For these, there are also options. This simple folding disc fits the bill perfectly and can also double up as a flash reflector should you be interested in photography:

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Dream Venues

The Escheresque confluence of stair cases is crying out to be used for a challenging and twisting golfington hole. Should you ever find yourself booked into The George Inn in the Hertfordshire town of Baldock, remember to take your racquets:

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Signing off

That is it for this edition! We will be back soon with an update after the Superstars Open. Until then, keep your feathers trimmed and your shots true.

Golfington Quarterly Issue 1

Welcome to the first issue of Golfington Quarterly, the sport’s most popular online magazine!  We have loads of golfington-related news, views and reviews coming up. In this issue we cover the Superstars Open and other events that have taken place over the past few months, as well as bringing you product reviews and look ahead to upcoming activities.

Superstars Open 2015

The annual Superstars Open is the highlight of the Golfington calendar and this year’s competition was held at Golfington de la Porcelaine at Busseroles near Limoges.  It was a fiercely contested event, with the strong wind playing a significant role in the proceedings and testing the accuracy and nerve of even the most skilled competitors. It is also remembered for the weather’s effect on the competitors’ clothing: long trousers and jumpers were the order of the day unlike in previous years but despite these challenges, competitors still managed to bring a bit of golfington style into the mix, which was great to see.

Golfington de la Porcelaine is a new venue for the Superstars Open and you can read all about it on its course page and get a feel for it in the course walkthrough video:

With its multiple kitchen areas (and therefore multiple fridges) in the different buildings along the course, there was plenty of opportunity to stock up on beer or fizz between (or even during) holes. And plenty of opportunity to put your bottle or glass down and end up forgetting where you had put it.

For those interested in matters as trivial as the final placings, the top five were as follows:

  1. Stephen 32
  2. Jan 35
  3. Kingsley 36
  4. Lars 37
  5. Kate 38

A highlights and lowlights video gives some insight into the competition, particularly the effect of the wind blowing many players’ shots into the out of bounds area on the first hole.

Exhibition Game at Parliament Hill

Before the North London vs South London pétanque derby in early October at Parliament Hill playing fields, we took the opportunity to play a quick exhibition game to give new players a taste for the game:

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The Kit Room

The kit room will keep you up to date with essential golfington equipment and clothing. It is perhaps debatable whether this will improve your game but it will definitely serve to increase your enjoyment of the game which is probably more important.

First up is the Carlton golfington bag, which will give you a compact and sleek way to carry all of your golfington essentials to and from the game.  With two large compartments, it easily has enough space for multiple racquets and a tube of cocks in one side, with the other ready to fill with essentials such as fizz and snacks:

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It all zips up very smartly and In addition to a carry handle, it has shoulder straps so you can carry it backpack style and you won’t need to worry about it getting too heavy when loaded up with bottles:

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With the festive season approaching faster than a double bogey on a windy day, the golfington fashionista turns his or her thoughts to appropriate clothing for games during this time of revelry.  Some opt for reindeer, some snowmen and others just something sparkly.  Here are Golfington Quarterly this season we are going with balls.  Lots of balls.  Baubles if you will:

seasonal-golfington-trousers

Given that such specialist clothing should obviously only be worn in December, we are eagerly awaiting its arrival and dusting off the mulled wine mugs in anticipation.

Dream Venues

Often a golfington enthusiast will be sitting or walking somewhere, lost in their thoughts when suddenly they will look around and think “wow, this place would make a brilliant golfington hole!”.

We will be running a series on such places and look forward to featuring reader contributions, so please do send in any suggestions that you have and we will choose our favourite for publication in the next issue.

This issue’s dream venue is chosen not for its location or playable characteristics but for its name: Tickle Cock Bridge.  Yes it is a real place.  If anyone is ever in Castleford near Leeds, and looking for somewhere to play golfington then do it here, take some pictures, and report back!

Signing off

That is it for this issue, but stay tuned for the next installment in a few months time. Until then, don’t fall into the water!