Welcome all to Golfington Quarterly (more like Triennial) issue 7! Usually we would try to find some way to refute any delay-related accusations, but today’s newsletter does contain news of three years’ worth of annual championships reports, so not much that can be done about that!
We can announce that this year’s Autumn Championship will be held at the historic Highgate Wood course on Sunday the 29th of September. Please let me know if you would like to play if you have not already entered.
We also bring you a selection of letters to the editor, and news of Golfington mobile app updates.
Autumn Hunt 2023
The last Sunday of October saw sixteen contestants take part in the Autumn Hunt at the historic course at Sheafhayne Manor. This was the largest Golfington tournament for some years and included a number of first-time players. The Sheafhayne Manor course is almost all inside, which was good given the weather!
Lars played very well to score -4 and win the tournament, including a hole in one on the 7th hole! Stephen came second on -3. Then Jan, Tim and Gaf were all tied one shot behind on -2 and contested an epic four-hole playoff, which Jan won to claim third place. Stephen won the best-dressed competition with his Golfington trainers.
More details at Autumn Hunt 2023.
Autumn Championship 2022
The first weekend of October saw ten keen contestants make their way up to the early autumnal Highgate Wood for this year’s championship. The 2022 field was packed with talent – several returning players from the past two years’ championships, a couple of newcomers, and a reappearance from a stalwart of the Superstars Open era.
Where scores were concerned, there were no ties but an impressive number of very closely contested positions. Lars was the overall winner with 35, and second and third respectively were Stephen and Murdo, all separated by just one point. Bryn did very well to come back after a few years out of the competition to take fourth place. Megan won the best dressed for the second year in a row!
More details at Autumn Championship 2022
Autumn Championship 2021
September 2021 saw a small select band of golfingtoners make their way to Highgate Wood for the second annual Autumn Championships. It was a warm, sunny day and after a taste of Tio Pepe’s finest we set out for the first tee.
Stephen was the winner on the day, and is looking a little bit too smug here for a winner who was also in charge of the scoring. Megan took the best-dressed award with her elegant outfit.
More details at Autumn Championship 2021
Golfington App Updates
The Golfington app is now available on both iPhone and Android, with information on installing it on the Mobile App page.
Tournament play is now integrated into the app. A tournament organiser can invite players to a tournament, and score updates from games in the tournament go into an in-play leaderboard so that players can see how their fellow competitors in other groups are doing, and spectators can follow the action.
Letters to the Editor
Dear Editor
I was recently gifted a monogrammed leather racquet cover for my Golfington racquet. I am looking forward to getting it out it at this year’s Weihnachtsschwanzwettbewerb, but this brings up a logistical issue: My tipple of choice for winter Golfington is usually red wine, which I fear would stain my new leather racquet cover if spilled. Even more concerning is that for the Weihnachtsschwanzwettbewerb I am likely to be coerced into partaking of several mugs of over-sweet mulled wine, which could cause even worse damage!
Do you have any suggestions please?
Yours in thwackery
Edmund McRackit Esq
Dear Edmund
Firstly, let me congratulate you on your invitation to the Weihnachtsschwanzwettbewerb, the notorious Christmas Cock Contest in Frankfurt!
We do have just the solution for this eventuality – if you flip back through your past issues of Golfington Quarterly, you’ll see that in Issue 3 we featured the “Wine Sippy Cup”. This will keep your wine unspilled and your racquet cover unblemished.
Good luck for the Weihnachtsschwanzwettbewerb and we will keep an eye out for you in the television coverage in December!
Ed.
Dear Editor
Like many readers, I have enjoyed watching the recent Paris Olympics, particularly the two Golfington practice sports badminton and golf. And like all readers, I would love to see Golfington itself feature in the Olympics, but it never has. Do you know if there is any reason for this?
Yours in sporting hope
Lady Chelsea Longfeather
Dear Lady Longfeather
Thank you for your letter and of course, for your valued patronage of the game. As you are certainly aware, the sport of Golfington has historically had a somewhat fractious relationship with the more staid administrations of other mainstream sports. When the first modern Olympics were held in 1896, Golfington was just emerging from a disreputable period troubled by gambling and controversy and was not considered a respectable enough sport for the Olympiad.
By the 1930s, Golfington had regained respectability in the press and significant support from high-profile socialites and it seemed almost certain that the game would be included. The remaining hurdle was having the disparate individual Golfington organisations agree on a standardised set of rules for an international competition. Many late nights were spent discussing feather weights, racquet shapes, drinks trolley dimensions, cigar lengths, and the number of times a caddy could be sent to fetch fresh ice from the bar without risking a penalty for time-wasting. Few of these meetings resulted in any legible minutes being taken, so these important points were never standardised and as a result the great game continued to be omitted from the Olympics.
Some decades later, there was a concerted push to have the game included in the 1976 Olympics, led by two of that era’s great supporters of the game Jack Nicklaus and Sean Connery. There remained the issue of agreeing on terms for an amateur competition window in the big-money professional tour schedule, so a summit of the Golfington organisations was arranged. Reports of the summit outcomes are unclear, but the bar bill indicates that deliberations were well-oiled and continued long into the night. Interviews with attendees have revealed that by midnight the discussion had become centred on the crucial point of whether the up-and-coming Punk music scene could ever rival established genres of Rock. Suffice to say, the following morning nobody was in a fit state to fill in the application form for inclusion in the Olympics and the deadline was missed.
So to this day, Golfington has remained unrepresented in the Olympics. Nobody would love to see it included more than the staff here at Golfington HQ and we are buoyed by your continued support, your Ladyship.
Ed.
Dear Editor
During an otherwise splendid recent game at Sheafhayne Manor, a point in the rules of the game came up for somewhat robust discussion. Does the umpires’ panel at Golfington HQ have any advice on how the rules should be applied here?
The situation that arose was on the 6th at Sheafhayne, the hole known as “Bell End”. One of my fellow competitors had left his pint of Otter Bitter on the windowsill at the bottom of the staircase. As misfortune would have it, my second shot landed directly into his glass! As I am sure that you can imagine, words were exchanged and tempers flared.
I argued that I should be allowed to take the shot again. The owner of the pint in question argued that it was a temporary water hazard and I should have a penalty shot added to my score. It was only after I offered to fetch my fellow competitor a new pint from the beer pantry that the situation simmered down and the group agreed that I could take my shot again.
I look forward to hearing the umpires’ analysis of this situation.
Penelope Hiscock
Dear Penelope
Thank you for posing this challenging question on the rules of the game. We are delighted to hear that you played at Sheafhayne; it is such a fascinating historic course featuring an excellent beer pantry.
I put your question to the umpires’ panel and they felt that before tackling the point of how the rules are applied to your shot, that they should point out that anyone who leaves their drink unattended in the line of fire is asking for trouble and should go and fetch their own fresh pint if they are unwilling to keep drinking it after an incident such as this!
As to the rules, this is certainly not counted as a temporary water hazard because any water hazard or other out-of-bounds area needs to be indicated on the course map or otherwise agreed before the game commences. Taking the shot again from the original point is also not the answer. The somewhat boring adjudication is that you would play as if the shot had landed on the unadorned windowsill and stayed there. That is, drop the shuttlecock on the floor (or stair) nearest to where the shot crossed into the windowsill.
We look forward to more questions like this during the “ask the umpire” feature at lunch times at the next Test series.
Ed
Signing Off
That’s it for now, so good luck to everyone who is partaking in any autumn games this year – may your shots be true and your drinks refreshing!